My World

2007-02-10T14:53:00.000-08:00

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Khlil Gibran

2006-12-14T13:28:00.000-08:00

Purple Hibiscus
Chimamanda Ngozi Aduchie

In this brilliant novel, Kambili is a very young Catholic girl who has been overpowered by his father’s rough behaviour. He beats her and Jaja, her brother, very badly. She is growing up in a very rich Nigerian family. They are strictly religious. She has been living in a fearful world, the fear of her father, and his violent punishments, which she justifies by saying to herself that her father wants the best for her. She knows that she shouldn’t commit sins otherwise her father will punish her for her sin, in order to not to do it again.

Kambili’s grandfather is a pagan. He worships his ancestors, and this is a cause for him and his son, Kambili’s father, to fall out and never visit each other.

This novel tells the story of three generations. One is Kambili’s grandfather who is not a Christian and follows his ancestor’s religion. He is a moderate person. He loves his children and grandchildren. He lives alone and his son- Kambili’s father- supports him financially. He prays for his children and rest of the family whenever he prays, and is kind to his grandchildren.

The second family in the novel is the story of Kambili’s family: her mum, dad and brother, Jaja. Her father is very aggressive towards them. For any small reason, he punishes them cruelly. He wants his kids not to make any mistake and be the best in everything. He tells them that God will punish them if they don’t do well, because He has given them everything they need to be successful! Kambili’s father is involved in politics and is a social reformist. He is on the opposition party. He is a very generous man and helps the poor when they are in need.

The third family are Kambili’s aunt. She is a university lecturer. They are a Catholic family too but very open minded and open to discussions with a broad understanding of different beliefs and customs. She is a lively woman who has lost her husband and lives with her three children. They are a low middle class family with enough income to live happily.

The book highlights the effect of education on religion and beliefs. It shows that narrow-mindedness eventually destroys one’s life, takes away the happiness, and throws one’s attention only on being careful of not committing any sins. It shows that being rigid in a religion make you tunnel visioned. It makes you to be cruel to people who you love and care for. Sometimes it goes too far until you hurt them physically and mentally without being aware of your doings. It shows that this might make a little different or a massive change in one’s behaviour or personality in surface, but it won’t become part of you. You will put it aside as soon as you have the opportunity. This reminds me of something that I have read somewhere, which says science has done more for the development of western civilization in one hundred years than Christianity did in eighteen hundred years!

It also emphasizes that wealth brings you happiness up to a certain level, after that if you get wealthier it won’t raise your happiness and satisfaction of your life.
The last issue that this book underlines is that you need education and religion together in a moderate way to make a success of your life. Albert Einstein says that, science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.

“ Immensely powerful” The Times

“An intoxicating story that is at once distinctly feminine, African and universal” Observer

2006-11-27T11:02:00.000-08:00

The water bearer

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water on his house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own perfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.” The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flow, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and everyday while we walk back, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.”

2006-11-17T14:00:00.000-08:00

Persistence pays always!

When my son was in primary school, he missed the chance of taking the entry exam for 11 plus exam, so he never knew that if he really could pass the exam and join the Grammar school in his secondary years. My initial unfamiliarity with the education system in the UK and uncertainty about the length of our stay took away this opportunity from him.

When he had to attend a state school, I was unhappy with myself and I tried to see if there was anything else I could do. But the resources I looked to for information were not the correct ones, and then I washed my hands of it.

He studied the first year in the school. It was not as bad as I thought. His teachers all realized that he is a clever and intelligent boy and in some subjects they tired to work with him more than the others. He did really well and in some subjects like maths and geography he won prizes.

One day I was on the Internet and comparing the different schools results on their GCSE exams that by accident I came across this website explaining about an entry exam for 12 plus. I immediately contacted the admin and asked for more information. I found out that my son still could attend the entry exam for grammar school. I wrote down what and when I needed to apply for the exam.

It was in March 2005 that I had all the necessary documents and my son’s school results to send to the education department and wait for their reply. It was end of May that I received a letter from them confirming a date for the exam.

The big day came and we went there. I wished him all the best and left him to do his exam while my heart was filled with hope for his success. In mid august we received the results, they were excellent and I couldn’t ask for more. He had scored higher that even selective ones. But the bad news was that unfortunately there was no free space on any grammar school in the borough I had applied for. We could appeal against the decision but I did not do it. I felt that there was no reason that he would be accepted if there were no vacancies. At this stage what made me happy was that my son had his confident back. He found out that he was capable of passing the exam with no problem at all. The exam was not an easy one. I knew lots of parents who cared about their children’s education had few private tutors teach them maths, science and few other subjects just to help their children to reach a level to pass the exam. And here we go, my son was intelligent enough to pass it with his own efforts only. I was very happy and proud of him, he was too- rightly so.

It was the first of November 2006 and I was on my team away day when my mobile rang around half past two. I couldn’t answer it as I was in a session and not able to answer it. It rang again around half four, I asked for permission and left the session to answer it. It was a lady from bexley admin telling me that there was a vacancy in the grammar school of his choice. I was over the moon. I did not know how to thank her for giving me this good news. After that I quickly called home and passed the good news to my son. His innocent voice became so delightful and said “ how great Mummy”.

I had to contact the school and arrange a day for pre- induction and 13th November was decided for him to start the new school.

Today is 15th November and he has gone to his new school for two days.

I knew that “persistence pays always” but I have my son to thank for all his hard work, commitment and his dedication to his education and being a real sweetie for me. I just want him to know that I will be there for him in every step of his life whenever he needs me. All my prayers and blessings will be with him all the way …

2006-10-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

Victims of tortures

I had a client yesterday. He was tortured so badly. I saw his pictures. The effect of whipping and lashes on his back, full of blood and wounds. I couldn’t watch them all. Only a few of them. It feels like they are still in front of me. After seeing him, I had other clients to see and I had to concentrate on my job. When I was coming home those pictures and the innocent looks of that man kept coming back into my mind. Obviously something was bothering me, but I did not know what it was. I came home, broke my fast, like any usual day I did some chores around the house and other usual business that I do everyday, and then I went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night. I was short of breath and sweating. I was dreaming, and I remembered what I was dreaming about. I realized why those pictures have been haunting me all day long. I have a bad memory of torture. The story is that when I was young about 15 years old, and was living in a small city where most people knew each other, a young boy roughly the same age as me, had done something wrong and they wanted to whip him. It was few years after the revolution. The government decided to punish him in our school in front of us. Maybe they thought that would be a lesson for other youngsters to behave themselves. Or any other reason which I can’t think of now. I remember it vividly now that our head teacher called us all into the playground and asked us to make a big circle. We were not aware what was happening. Then the main entrance of the school opened and three officials came in with a young boy whose hands were tied from behind and was blindfolded. They lay him down and opened his eyes. He looked up a bit and saw us all. The shame on his face is something that I would never forget. One of the officials announced that the boy will be punched and his punishment is to be whipped 80 times. I could see and hear but I couldn’t believe that it was happening. One of them started whipping the poor boy. They asked us all to watch. Some of us were horrified. The other official was counting them, one, two, three,.. The boy yelled with each one. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t watch anymore. I heard four, five, six… I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.. Seven, eight, nine. I opened my eyes and saw the boy in the floor and blood in his shirt. I felt sick and dizzy. Ten, eleven, twelve,.. I did not hear anymore, I had fainted. When I opened my eyes I was in head teacher’s office and she told me that I needed to be strong! Everyone gets what he or she deserves and I shouldn’t feel sorry for the boy. I was so scared to ask her about the boy and what happened to him. Was he still alive? I couldn’t wait to get out of her office. Everybody else had left the school and I told her that I was fine and I could go home by myself. I was feeling so weak and ill. I couldn’t eat for a few days and I had to stay in bed for a couple of days. The next time when I went back to school, I asked my friends about the boy and they said that his old mother took him to hospital as his father had passed away when he was very young. They told me that he was the breadwinner of the family and he had three young sisters and his old mother to look after.

Now that I am writing it I feel ill. It is like someone has punched me in the stomach again. What had he done to make anyone be able to punish him like that? Did anyone think while he was in hospital, who was going to look after the family? Even after he was discharged, was anyone going to give him a proper job? I hope that people grow to forget what he had done. He was too young to be punished like that.

All these came to my mind in the middle of the night and took away my sleep. I thought about these punishments and I couldn’t understand why should anyone be tortured physically or mentally?
I will just hope for a torture-free world.

2006-10-16T13:13:00.000-07:00

Qadr Night

I wanted to wish you all a happy Shabe Qadr. They say that the doors of heaven are open today and we can ask Allah for anything we want. God will garnt us whatever we wish. May Allah make us all Aqebet be khayr..and grant us health, and taqwa.and open the door of paradise for us..

May God accepts all your fastings and prayers.

2006-10-05T21:35:00.000-07:00

Hope

I have got a letter from my lawyer yesterday om 5th of October, saying that the Home Office has received my son's application and he had enclosed a copy of the aknowledgment letter from the Home Office.

The aknowledgment letter is saying that they can't tell us how long it will take them to make a decsion on this application and we shouldn't contact them to ask a bout the process of it, until they contact us. The again it says, until the time that they make a decsion we will have the same rights and conditions of our previous status. Let's keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best. whatever God almight wishes for us.

God please look at us with more kindness. You know I have "put all my chickens in one basket" for this.

2006-10-04T12:18:00.000-07:00

JEAN-JACQUES ROUSSEAU
The Confessions

In the last few days I have been reading Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s “The Confessions” book. I don’t think I have read any other book, apart from a couple, which interested me this much. I will write a very brief description of this great book in here. It amazed me to see that this great man opens his heart to his readers and shares the most private and most intimate moments of his life with them. The more I read, the more I fell in love with him. His honesty throughout the book attracts his readers consciously and unconsciously towards his character and personality, specially when he says to his reader that “ … and I will make this confession as frankly as the rest.” Or a few times he says that maybe his readers hate him for what he had done but he would still tell the story as it was.

One reads it and say to oneself, would I ever be this frank if I wanted to write my confessions!!? Well here comes Rousseau’s answer: he says in the first page of his book that: “ let them hear my confessions, lament for my unworthiness, and blush for my imperfections. Then let each of them in turn reveal, with the same frankness, the secrets of his heart at the foot of the Thorne, and say, if he dare, “ I was better than that man!” “ Maybe after we read the book confess to ourselves and not any other soul that he has been so much better than we are!

He even reveals his very intimate thoughts, the ones he did not put into practice. What a great man and what a great book.

The confessions includes twelve books of each different time lines of his life, as below:

1712 June 12, born in Geneva to a watchmaker and the daughter of a minister who died after giving birth to him. His father loved his wife very much. When she died Rousseau wrote that, in spite of him thinking that his father might hate or blame him for his wife’s death, his father loved him very much and saw his wife in Rousseau.

1722 His father is exiled from Geneva after a fight and moves to Lyons. Rousseau stays in Geneva in the charge of his mother's relations.

1724 Apprenticed to his uncle a lawyer who finds him incapable and sends him back.

1725 Apprenticed to an engraver.

1728 Runs away from his apprenticeship and wanders about Italy France and Switzerland. Meets Madame de Warens after converting to Catholicism in Turin.

1731 Lives in Chambery protected by the widow Madame de Warens.

1733 Madam de Warens becomes his mistress. Rousseau writes a great deal about Madam de Warens and his pure and great love to her. Rousseau calls her “mummy” and she calls her ‘ my child”. He writes that “one of the proofs of the excellent character of this admirable woman is, that all those who loved her loved one another.” Then he continues “ let my readers pause a moment at this panegyric, and if they can think of any other woman of whom they can say the same, I advise them to attach themselves to her, if they value their repose.”

1738 Becomes ill and goes to Montpellier which facilitates a liason with Madame de Larange. Loses his relationship to Madam de Warens. During this illness his hearing was affected and he became hard of hearing for the rest of his life.

1740 Tutors at Lyon.

1741 Goes to Paris after discovering he neither likes teaching nor is very good at it.

1742 Unsuccessfully presents a new system of music to the Academy of Sciences. Becomes secretary to the ambassador to Venice, M. de Montaigu.

1743 Meets Therese le Vasseur who will become his mistress, bearing him five children, and whom he marries near the end of his life.

1745 Returns to Paris. Collaborates on the Encyclopedia.

1751 Publishes Discourse on the Sciences and the Arts.

1752 Production of his opera the Village Soothsayer.

1754 Returns to Geneva and abjures his abjuration of the Protestant religion.

1755 Publishes Discourse on Inequality.

1756 April moves back to Paris in a cottage at Montmorency. Writes Heloise.

1757 Leaves Montmorency for nearby Montlouis after a quarrel with Diderot.

1758 Publication of Letter to d'Alembert and final rupture in his relations with Diderot.

1761 Publication of Heloise.

1762 Publication of Emile and The Social Contract which forces him to leave France to avoid arrest. Lives briefly in Neuchatel.

1763 Renounces citizenship of Geneva.

1765 Driven from Motiers to the Island of Saint-Pierre.

1766 David Hume offers him asylum in England. Begins work on Confessions.

1767 Returns to live in various provinces of France.

1770 Returns to live in Paris. Writes many of his most important works while in Paris over the next eight years including his Dialogues and Reveries.

1778 Moves to Ermenonville where he dies suddenly on July 2.

It is good to know that Rousseau a "philosopher of the Enlightenment whose political ideas influenced the French Revolution, the development of socialist theory, and the growth of nationalism. Rousseau also made important contributions to music both as a theorist and as a composer. With his Confessions and other writings, he practically invented modern autobiography and encouraged a new focus on the development of subjectivity that would bear fruit in the work of thinkers as diverse as Hegel and Freud. His novel Julie, ou la nouvelle Héloïse was one of the best-selling fictional works of the eighteenth century and was important to the development of romanticism."

I hope that, when you read the book, enjoy it as much as I did.

"Modesty is the lowest of the virtues, and is a confession of the deficiency it indicates. He who undervalues himself is justly overvalued by others". Hazlitt, William

2006-10-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

Importance of aims

Today, while I was seeing my last client, I heard one of the managers crying. I came out of my office and asked her what had happened. She said that one of our volunteers attempted suicide on Wednesday and she is dead. Apparently she threw herself in front of a train and was dead there and then. I remembered her vividly because she used to work in the Minor’s section.

She was a very helpful, quiet and nice young girl. I would never have thought of her killing herself. She seemed very normal with no big problem or signs of depression. But she must have something very disturbing in her life for her to make that decision.

For some of us these thoughts never occur in our minds let alone making plans to do it. What does make someone feel so hopeless and vulnerable to see no way forward? I have always thought that people have options in their lives when making up their minds about something. To choose what to do or which way to go is mostly up to our current situations. At times if we don’t see further than our step and don’t see the bigger picture, we will end up feeling tired of life with no future in front of us. Having an aim/ a hope or a massive target is something that keeps one going and gives one the energy and the ability to carry on living happily. We shouldn’t limit ourselves. There are many people who limit themselves on what they can do. We just need to believe that we can achieve anything as far as our minds go.

Some think that if you have faith in God, you will always have something to look forward to and He will be there for you and He will direct you in the right direction. But what if you are not a religious person or have no faith in anything? What then? Maybe self-respect and self-confidence can do the job. Someone who respects himself enough and looks for it within him and not anywhere else will succeed in life.

Having said all these, I really feel for her. I wish that I was close to her and was able to do something before things went the way they went. May God bless her soul, forgive her sins and give her soul an infinite peace.

“Other people's opinion of you does not have to become your reality.”Brown, Les

2006-09-29T13:01:00.000-07:00

Portsmouth Harbour

It was on Friday afternoon around six o’clock, that my mobile rang, I picked it up. It was my colleague. She was calling to ask me to go with her to Portsmouth tomorrow. There was an urgent case she wanted to meet a client at the Haslar detention centre. I said to her that I would be happy to go with her. We arranged the time to meet up tomorrow morning.

I hadn’t gone to work; I was home all day, looking after my son who had a fever and a sore throat. I took him to his GP in the morning and he was on antibiotics and painkillers. He looked well enough for me to go and work tomorrow. Well, I just thought "every little helps"!!

I went to the Internet, first checked for the train’s timetables and then looked up for Portsmouth websites to see if there is anything that we could go and visit. There was the harbour itself, Charles dickens birth place, the Cathedral and a few other places. I was not sure if we will have time for all that, but I wanted to have some information before going there and just in case we had the time, we know what we needed to look for…

I woke up a bit early and prepared lunch for myself and for my son. I left home after half eight. I got to waterloo and bought a ticket for Portsmouth. I waited for my friend to turn up and she soon came. We got into the train. She insisted that we sit in the coach next to the first class because she believed that it was cleaner and quieter and a no smoking coach, which I welcomed.

We talked about everything and anything, she told me about Kosova and Albania when they were in war with Serbians. She came here as a student but when her visa expired her country was not safe enough for her to return, then she had to seek asylum. She said that it was a very big deal for her at that time, not being able to go and visit her family and having to live for a period of time, which no one knew how long it would be, in a strange country. She told me about her family and relatives who had lost their homes, honours, jobs and their friends. It was so sad knowing what war does to individuals, their emotions and their mental states.

Time to time I looked out of the window, it was a beautiful sunny day and everywhere was green with lots of fields, trees and forests. It reminded me of our family outing days. We usually had few family-outing days every summer.

There were many stations before we get to Portsmouth. It took us two and a half hours by train to get there. Now we had to rush and get the ferry. Unlike woolwich ferry, this one was not free of charge; we had to pay two pounds to get in. But it was worth it. The sea was absolutely beautiful. Full of ships, yachts and boats. There were a few ferries. Two of them going to haslar, where we were going, one was on this side and the other was apparently on the other side to pick up the passengers. A Few others were going to Isle of Wight. Our ferry had three floors, ground floor, first floor and second floor. We sat on the first floor. I wished that my family were with me. That would have been heaven. It did not take us too long. We got to the other side and got off. In a few minutes we reached the other side.

Haslar was a very nice town. Very close to the sea. People seemed friendly but as I had my scarf on they were looking at me but it did not make me feel uneasy. Well not more than I made them anyway! I did not see any other Muslim with a scarf there. (My friend is Muslim but she doesn’t cover her hair). We asked someone where we could get a taxi to go to the detention centre. Soon after we were sitting in the taxi and in a few minutes we were there. it was a place with high walls and barbed wires on top of them. It reminded me of my countrys' prisons! The walls as high as sky! ( well maybe not THAT high!)

It was 40 minutes past one, and the visiting hours had not started yet. We decided to go and sit at the back of the building and have our lunch. It was still sunny and warm; we sat there in front of the sea and had our lunch. There were loads of seagulls flying over our heads and my friend was scared of them. There were some people who were fishing. She said that it is better to go and sit close to the fisher men because these seagulls had once taken her sandwich while she was eating and hurt her too! Anyway, we moved closer to an old fisherman. I don’t know how long he had been sitting there but I did not see him catching anything! There was a nice breeze from the sea and I called my son to see how he was and I wanted him to listen to the sea and the waves. It was just after two, when we got up and went to the detention centre.

After all the official papaerworks and checking on our Id cards, we were let in. the officers were very nice and polite despite what I thought before seeing them. When we finished, my friend had to copy some of the client’s documents and we were done for the day! Actually that was why we had come all this way from London.
She called a taxi from the detention centre’s reception and we left. The taxi took us back to the ferry and as it was there already, we ran to catch it, otherwise we had to wait for the other one to come back. After that we went to the train station and had to wait for the train for about 20 minutes. It was at six o’clock in the afternoon when train pulled into the platform. We bought coffee and sat in the train. After ten minutes I asked my friend to have a look at the documents. She looked for them. The more she looked the less she found them. Suddenly she said to me "oh my god! I've left them in the centre when I was calling the taxi! This hasn't happened to me in the last 8 years of my work." She tried calling the centre to ask them if they could fax them to her. After ten minutes they said that they found them but they couldn’t fax them, as they were legal documents. We had done one fourth of the journey. She had to call her manager to see what she will want her to do. Unfortunately she was told that she had to go back and get them. It was nearly 7 o’clock when she got off the train to go back all the way and come back again! I insisted to go with her but she said that I have a child and needed to go back.

It was few minutes past eight when I got home. When I called her at 9, she said that she had found the documents and she had just got into the train to London. I think she should be home by midnight or early morning. Poor thing.

With all these adventures, it was a nice day out for me and a memory to be remembered for life. Unfortunately we couldn't go and visit any of the places I looked for them the night before.
After that long journey, I was too tired and I knew that I would sleep well and sound that night.

2006-09-29T12:46:00.000-07:00

Patience

Today is 28 of September 2006. I went to the solicitor’s office to get the copy of the application he has forwarded to the Home office on my son’s behalf.

It was some time in mid June while I was on training in our office that I found out we could apply for Indefinite Leave to Remain under the Seven year concession for my son. The lady who was training us on the “Nationality and Citizenship” mentioned something about it. After the session I went to her and asked for more details. She talked a bit more about it and gave me the address of few solicitors who I could discuss the case with.

I came away and with the help of a friend of mine looked for more information on this subject and found out that if a child has lived in the UK for more than 7 years and still is a minor, can apply for ILR outside the immigration rules. I was so happy to know this.
I contacted the lawyers but they couldn’t take on the case and some of them thought that this was not possible! I tried few other lawyers with no luck. I was losing faith in my findings until one day when I was talking to one of children panel advisers, I mentioned it and she said she knew a solicitor who I could contact with and she said that this lawyer is an expert in dealing with children’s law and immigration matters. She gave me the number and I called him straight away. He was so aware of this matter and he said that there have been few similar cases, which have been presented to the Home Office, and they have been successful. As soon as I heard he was eager to challenge our case, made and appointment to go and see him as soon as my husband came to the UK.

On 19th July we went to see him. He was so positive and promising and he even said that if the Home Office accepts the case then he would be able to take the case on person and we would get the results in couple of weeks time. We were so delighted to hear all that and seeing that how easy it was to get ILD in this country made our souls jump out of our bodies! But we were not aware of the whole story and the rest to come!!
Two weeks passed and we did not hear anything from our lawyer, three then four then five weeks and two months passed with no news. I decided to phone him to find out if anything was wrong. He said that the Home office has not accepted the application in person so it needs to be posted and he couldn’t tell us how long this process would take! So much of getting the result in couple of weeks eh!
On 19th September when I called him he said he had just finished the application and his manager is checking it out and it would go to the post that night and I would be receiving a copy of it in two days. I waited for a few days and when the copy did not come, I called him to see if he really did the application. As they say “Once bitten, twice shy!”. I had started doubting him now, as whatever he told us did not go to that direction! His secretary answered my call and said that he is busy. I got so frustrated. I left him a message to call me back when he was free. It was half three when I called him and there was no reply. I told his secretary that if I don’t receive a call from them regarding my case I would call them before five and this time he had to answer the phone himself even if he is busy with other client. It was only few minutes after my call that he called me back and he apologized for not doing the paper work and he would send me the copy soon. I was honest and told him that I was not sure anymore if he really was entertaining our case. He said that he had done it but hadn’t have time to sent me the copy, but he would sent it tomorrow. I told him that I was going to his office to get the copy myself – thinking that even if he had not done it, he needed to do it that day at least-. We arranged for 2 o’clock the next day – which is today- for me to go and collect the copy. I went there and he brought me the copy of the application and kindly explained the matter and apologized for the inconvenient. I felt really bad about the whole thing and I apologized too and I explained that the time is very important for us and when I thought that he is taking this case lightly I was frustrated. The sooner we get the result the better for our family. He said that he understood the situation. We said bye and I came home.

Now when I look back, I see that if I was a bit more patient and had a bit more faith on him was better. I need to start trusting people. Not everyone is untrustworthy!

"The twin killers of success are impatience and greed"

Rohn, Jim

2006-09-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

My birthday ( and a letter to my parents)

I was held in his strong arms when I opened my eyes. He was awake he was looking at me with a smile on his face. Was he discovering what was in my dreams? Or was it about how he was feeling at that moment about me?? What was going on in his mind? I would never know.
The first thing he said was “ hello my darling, Happy Birthday”. I smiled pleasantly and looked him in his eyes and held him tighter. He kissed my forehead as he does usually when I am in his arms..
Maybe that was all I needed for my birthday. For him to remember it.

My son had marked this day on the calendar with two little star on the each side of the “Mum’s Birthday”. He is the sweetest boy. He told me happy birthday anytime he felt like saying it, maybe he thought I would forget it!!!! And it was like little hint for saying that “ Mummy be happy, today is your day”!

Each member of my family called later that day. When I talked to my father, he said that he was going to Mashhad. He said that he would pray to God for our quick return. He was deeply unhappy that we were not going back this year again, I could hear it from his voice and the choice of his words.

The rest of the day went by without me being myself or enjoying the day. I kept thinking about my parents and how cruel I have been to them. Would I ever let my own child do that to me? It is hard to answer it now as he is too young to be able to make a decision about his own life, but I know that that wouldn’t be the case… then why am I hurting my parents? There is an expression saying, “Our children are our sweet enemies”?? Oh no! I would never want that…
I have asked myself these questions many times, but there are no straightforward answers for them.

Mum and dad please forgive me for being so selfish and doing things for my family’s sake and hurting your delicate feelings.
In the name of this special day on which you two have given birth to me and brought me to the world and given me the most precious gift of living in this world, I swear to all the beauties and purities of the world that there is no intention of upsetting you. I love you and I will always love you… you are always in my thoughts. Never a day goes by that I have not thought of you. Just give me enough time to finish this commitment then I will be with you for the rest of my life. Thanks.

"Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live."

2006-09-08T11:06:00.000-07:00

Complicated or Straightforward?!

I had my first supervision with my new line manager. It doesn’t feel quiet right calling him “new manager” as we have been working in the same office for more than five years now! It is a long story why my supervisor has changed but what is important is the story I am going to tell you!

He, my new supervisor, phoned me and said that I need to be ready in the afternoon to have my first supervision with him and told me what I needed to take with me to the meeting. I was a bit nervous at first but after a short while I overcame these uncomfortable feelings.

Before he starts filling the forms, he said to me that he was very delighted to have become my supervisor. The reasons he gave me was that he know how committed I was to my job. And he said that my ex-line manager had told him something about my personality that had made him more eager to be working with me. He said that, when my pervious line manager was asking him to take me into his team, he had told him that I was his best staff and he had never heard anyone complain about my work or the way I treat my clients. he had also told him that I do my duties and more when it is necessary and needed. He had said that he never needed to say anything twice to me, as I would get the message immediately….

Well, these are somethings that I already knew about myself and not a big issue for me. The only issue that made me have mixed feelings insde me was when he said that your ex-manager told me that you have a good character and you are a straightforward person with a lovely personality. There is no complication about your personality or work. When there is an issue about work/colleague or anything related to your work, you put your opinions and views on the table directly and give the opportunity to the other person to put forward theirs, and you either agree or disagree and that is it. You make it clear where you stand and where the other person stands! In common language “ there is no messing around when you are concerned”. He said that this is unlike most of our staff, who say one thing in front of their manager and say/do another in their absence!

After a bit of discussion we started the supervision and got on with it! What is important for me is the way that my ex-manager has seen me. His understanding about my personality! What he has said about me was truly correct. I have suffered for a long time hearing from someone that I had a complicated personality! I wish that this person one day discovers that he has always been making a mistake about me. Sometimes fear makes us to omit or deny things or keep them to ourselves. But it doesn’t mean that we are complicated. It just shows that where there is no fear, I can be myself and that is a “straightforward person”! Maybe we need to look at our behaviour with others and the way we treat others to see the reason behind their reactions!

The whole thing about matrimony is this: We fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.

De Vries, Peter

2006-09-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

Punctuality!

I have lived in England more than 7 years now and I have always admired its transport timetable. Time to time that there are delays but it is neither often nor important. My journeys to work have been safe and sound almost everyday. Therefore when other people kept telling me about their horrible journeys to and from work, I always thought to myself that they are exaggerating!

It was only yesterday that I was talking to my friends about it and how much I appreciate the culture of punctuality in every single cell of this society.

But today was one of those days! I can tell you that anything that could possibly go wrong went wrong! This morning. I decided to take the late train because I was too lazy to wake up early. I went to the station and the train came on time. After few stops, I got off to change my train. The next train was only few minutes late. I started to calculate how late I would be to work. I decided that it will be fine and I will still be at work in time. I got off the train to take my last transport to work, which was a double Decker bus. As I was sitting on the bus, I realised that the driver missed a turn. It was too late when he realised it himself!! He had to go round and round to find out how he could go back to the same route! His radio was on and he had to report to “the centre” why he was out of his main route and he was being guided. Again I started to calculate in my mind how long this delay would be and if I needed to call the office and let them know that I would be late, but I decided against it! I only had one stop left to reach my destination, unlike some of the passengers, I was happy that my journey was going to end soon and I was kind of celebrating in my mind that I would be getting off this bus in no time, I was floating in these thoughts when all of a sudden the driver’s voice took me from heaven and brought me back to earth! The bus was broken down, it was announced, and we had to leave the bus and wait for the next one, which would be arriving in 5 minutes! I felt so miserable having to walk all the way down to the office and more miserable having to call the office and letting my manager know that I was going to be late and then him asking me to go and explain what the delay was about! Anyway, to cut it short I got to work with only 35 minutes and 43 seconds delay!
In the afternoon when I was coming back home, my bus driver was fine and an expert in his job. There were no “wheels going round and round”. The First train came on time. Things were looking good and I was happy that in 15 minutes I would be home and resting my feet after a very busy day running up and down in the office and dealing with more than 20 clients! As soon as the train came I jumped into the train and just two stops before I got off, the train stopped. There were no announcements from the driver to tell us what was going on and why we were not moving. After 15 minutes, he started speaking to us and apologising but he still couldn’t get any information on why the train had to sit outside the station! After ten minutes he said that there was a train in front of us that was broken down and as soon as they move it, we will be able to carry on! Thank God it was eventually moved and we could continue our adventurous journey home! By the time I arrived home, I was 59 minutes and 23 seconds later than usual, but the good thing is that my manager at home didn’t question why I was late; he was just concerned that I was too tired!

"You may delay, but time will not."

Franklin, Benjamin

2006-08-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

This piece of poem from Khalil Gibran had a great impact on me. I would like to share it in “My World” with whoever comes to visit me!
I truly believe that: " There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other, wings."

On Children

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children." And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

2006-08-25T13:39:00.000-07:00

To My God,

God please take away these black thoughts from me! take away my inner pain and enlighten my heart with brightness.

My dear god I have no one apart from you to turn to. Help me now that I need you most.
Help me god please. Once more give me the pleasure of feeling that life is beautiful and worth living. These have been taken away from me. God have mercy on my son. you know how dear he is to me...

Help me!

2006-08-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

My ‘Moonlight’

Today, like most days when she works in the same office as me, she had prepared the lunch. She had gone to the shop and bought salad, bread and some healthy snacks for lunch. As soon as I entered the room, she said that she knew how tired I was, and she had prepared our lunch. Then she says: “Come and sit here next to me. I hope you like it.” We talked and laughed throughout and enjoyed it very much.

“ It is not the quality of the meat, but the cheerfulness of the guests, that makes the feast”.

Despite her being a small-built and round-faced girl, she has a massive kind heart. Despite all the problems she has been faced with in her life and that are still going on, she is very helpful to everyone. While she is in trouble up to her neck, she thinks of other peoples’ problems and tries to be of assistance to them.

I can say that she is the first ever person in my life that I have met and I have truly seen the ‘generosity’. I believe that not everyone has the ability of being generous.

Her name means, “Moonlight” and it suits her very much. She is a ray of moonlight, when you walk home in the dark it brightens your path!

“Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.”

2006-08-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

Birhtday

Today is someone’s birthday. Someone who is closer than anyone else in this world to me. In my heart I am so happy. Happy that he is with me and he is mine!! I want to wish him happy birthday from my heart. And tell him that I love him more than he will ever know!

My dear god be with you and bless you all the way…..

You are my true friend and nothing could give me more pleasure than knowing that you are not only my husband, but also you are my friend…

“A single rose can be my garden...a single friend, my world”.

2006-08-22T12:31:00.000-07:00

Think of Tomorrow

On my way home I bumped into a friend. After the usual greetings I asked her if she would join us in couple of days to go to the seaside. She said that she wouldn’t enjoy going by herself without any partner! I tried to cheer her up and ask her to come and see how it goes, I told her that I would be pleased if she wants to stay with me and my family. But she was too upset….

This short conversation took me a little while back, which I am going to tell you about!! We take everything in life for granted. Never think of losing them or appreciate and value them while they are with us! This very friend had a husband and a kid. One day when we were talking she told me that she wants to enjoy herself. She wants to spend the money she earns and doesn’t like to save anything, because her husband is providing for her! I told her that it is true but we need to think of tomorrow as there is no one in this country to support us if something goes wrong! She said that nothing would go wrong. It wasn’t long after that, that her hubby fell in love with another woman, divorced her, and married the other one. My friends kid was from a previous marriage and she could no longer afford to look after him and had to send the kid to his grandmother back in their country. She lost her home, husband, and kid in the blink of an eye! As she didn’t have any savings, she had to rely on her friends for living for a little while until she got on to her feet! Now she is all alone by herself!
Saying all this, I really do feel for her, and I wish none of these had happened to her, but again it reminds me that DON”T TAKE ANYTHING IN LIFE FOR GRANTED! And THINK OF TOMORROW TOO!

2006-08-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

My dear darling mother, I just wish that you could use the internet to be able to read and feel the love and ache I have for you.....

I thought long and hard about what I should write about in my first page of "My World" which you made for me, and nothing was better than remembering you and your sacrifices... I love you so much.....

"God could not be everywhere, and therefore He made mothers."